My Advice to You: Relationships - The Charity Effect

Evening lovely readers, remember a few months ago when I gave you a taster of my advice? (No? Click here to read.) It's been on my mind for a while now, it's been happening to me & a few people I know. I've been talking to a dear friend of mine this week about some troubles they're having. Listening to what they were saying, I could sense they needed more opinions than my own. So I asked them if I could share this with you lovely readers.

To: Tammy-Louise Wilkins
Subject: Why Does She Keep Changing Her Mind?
From: Anonymous

Hi Tammy,

I've been having girl trouble. I've been talking to someone new and we get along really well. We talk all the time and make eachother laugh, however when we first started talking she had a boyfriend. After talking for about two weeks, I hinted to her that I liked her. She unfortunately asked me to wait but I agreed nonetheless. A week later she's single again. She began telling me how we would eventually end up together and that she wasn't leading me on. But the next thing I know, she's ignoring me and telling me she's too confused about how she feels. I tried talking through it with her but she kept ignoring me. I didn't want to seem clingy by texting her a lot. I then got texts from her saying she missed me a lot and when I replied, she wouldn't text back! I was feeling quite hopeless at this point. Once again she repeatedly texted me out of the blue, telling me she missed me. I kept trying to ask her what was going on about but she just told me she was really confused. I decided to suggest we just stay close because either way I didn't want us to drift apart. So she said she would prefer that to happen and I thought things would be fine. But then she started ignoring me again which made me feel like I had done something wrong. Being honest, I told her what I felt and that she was really confusing me. The reply I got came from one of her friends, saying I'd made her feel bad by always going on about it. In the end. I just apologized even though I didn’t think I'd done anything wrong but react to what this girl had been saying to me. I now feel like I have been too clingy and that I should just back off. 

Is there any advice you could maybe give me?

Hello! Oh honey, this is terrible. I know how it feels to be confused like that. I really do. This girl doesn't have a thing wrong with her except an indecisive mind. An indecisive mind is one hell of a frustrating thing to have, it's a daily annoyance for myself. In this case though, the girl has used her "Confused Self" as a weapon.

Why has she been taking you on a ride? I like to call it "The Charity Effect". Why? Whenever people give an item of clothing to charity, they find a reason to need it (as selfish as that sounds). What I'm trying to say is, this girl didn't want you but as soon as you accepted that, she suddenly wanted you. It's a common thing that happens. I'd give her a verbal bashing, tell her how sh*t she's made you feel. However, this is not something to do. If you truly want her, then this will push her away completely. (It works both ways too.) Her friend shouldn't of got involved, she probably caused much more trouble. The feeling of being clingy is natural, it's the desired effect to make you pull away. The reason for feeling clingy was because she ignored you. Being ignored is sometimes pure torture.

My advice to you is to get on with your daily routine and slowly forget her. Let her go. Yes, I know how hard that is to do but believe me you'll feel so much better once you'd done it. When you look back at this, you'll think "Man, that girl made me so depressed.".

P.S. Just so you know if this happens again in the future:
The Charity Effect - A Few Feelings You'll Feel

  • Annoyance
  • Depression
  • Clingyness
  • Confusion

Tammy xo


  1. when this situation arises, my best advice to he/she would be to walk up to them and punch them in the face. works every time!

    1. *chuckles* I will pass that on to them. Though that made me laugh, violence is not the way to solve things. xo


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