An Undateable in Disguise.

Hello lovely readers, can you believe it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow? The week has flown by in a blur and in all honesty, I can’t remember half of it!

When I came up with the concept of A Week of Desire, only a couple others knew of it. Although, at the time, I had yet to plan what articles I was going to write, one of them pleaded with me to consider doing something a little different. Talk about my own experiences.

So after a long, hard think, I decided to talk about one of the main obstacles that has wedged itself between myself and relationships…Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

Having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome does affect your confidence enormously. It’s hard to put yourself out there with the enhanced anxiety that comes with the package of this illness. Especially when you’ve been hurt in the past. All of those prior insecurities that had remained in the background come forward and nibble at you a thousand times harder. 

When you tell someone that you have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, they go into a mixture of shock and confusion. Their natural curiosity as to what it is and obvious discomfort by the same revelation makes you feel as though you’re not a normal person. That you're some sort of abnormality. 

Now if that someone was a man who’s interested in you, in my experience, they freak out and quite frankly, that is simply excruciating. A few of the standard reactions are the following:
  • Denial
  • Leaving
  • More Denial
If you looked at me, you wouldn't think anything was "wrong" with me. If you spoke to me, you wouldn't
thing anything was "wrong" with me. But that's all apart of the illusion. What's on the outside is merely a disguise. Yet it both mortifies and saddens me that someone can look at you in a whole new, negative light within a second. The fact that a disability is what would be considered as a "deal breaker" is disgraceful. It shouldn't provoke such a decision. It doesn't make us any less of a human being.

Because of my restrictions and limitations, it has resulted in a painful departing. It's a blow to the self-esteem and it puts you in a mind-set that you're just too much. You're too much for men, or people in general, to handle because of it. Is that right to be told point blank that because I have a medical condition that I'm equivalent to "damaged goods"? No, it isn't.  

However, I think I've dwelled on the disadvantages enough. 

So I'm going to be honest with you all. Whether you have a disability or not, you are going to meet a lot of people that are going to let you down. They're going to stick with ignorance and judge you regardless. But that's merely some of them. 

At the time, it will hurt. You'll resort to any coping mechanism that will get you through. The thing is though, you'll forget about them. You will. Because you'll meet someone truly wonderful. It will happen. It may take some time and countless amounts of horrible experiences but I promise you this, there is someone out there.

There is that possibility. That inkling of hope. Trust me, I know. 


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